Valentine’s Day is something every school child learns about. It’s a day that many romantics look forward to eagerly for the entire year.
Here are some things NOT to do on this most special day, at least if you want your partner to still speak to you afterwards!
Pretend to (or really!) Forget About It
Your partner may not want a gigantic production, but still, it’s nice to know you’re thought of when the whole world about you is talking about hearts and flowers. Don’t make your partner worry if they’re going to be left out. This falls into the same category as ‘deliberately making your partner jealous’. Both cause pain to your partner, and for what – for the relative pleasure when they discover they were wrong to have felt pain that whole time? Being partners shouldn’t involve deliberately causing pain and insecurity in each other!
The Ring Box
Unless you are really proposing, NEVER offer a ring box to your partner on Valentine’s Day. The image of Valentine’s Day = Proposal is pretty much hammered into every person from birth. When someone sees that ring, a huge number of expectations and concerns leap into mind. Those aren’t the sorts of stirring-ups you want happening on a romantic day.
Avoid Other Engagements
Sometimes it’s really unavoidable, but try to clear your schedule out of other things on that day. Even if you just plan to work on an extra project for “five minutes”, things can easily get out of hand and cause you to be late for dinner or lose track of time completely. This day is about you and your partner – make sure you remove the risk of other things interfering.
Avoid the Marketing Messages
Remember, Valentine’s Day existed long before Hallmark or CVS. It is about love and romance, not about a certain card or a certain box of chocolates. Above all else, focus on your love and caring for the partner in your life. Let your thoughts be guided by that love, and about what feels right for you two. Nobody else can tell you two how you should best celebrate your love for each other. In the same way, don’t compare what you did with what others did. It’s not about who got the biggest flower bouquet. It’s about the REAL reason for the holiday – love.
Yes, roses are often associated with love. You can read about Flowers and their Meanings. But if you study how various cultures respected Valentine’s Day, it wasn’t about “every single person buying roses”. Valentine’s Day isn’t about everyone doing the exact same thing. It’s about YOU as a person doing something special for YOUR PARTNER who is a person too. So the far better thing to do is to know what flowers your partner truly loves. Maybe they’re daffodils! Maybe they’re tulips. If you get your love two of that favorite flower, to represent your knowledge of your partner and the love you share, that is far, far more meaningful than getting the same dozen roses that every single other woman on the planet is having dumped on her lap.
Canned Love Poetry
You can probably imagine that around Valentine’s Day, millions of people are on the web printing out the exact same 5 or 10 Love Poems to give to their true love. Is your partner really that ‘mundane’ that he or she deserves that same poem that everybody else gets? Take a step and try your own poem. It may not be a contest-winner, but it will truly be a one-of-the-kind, special gift that only your partner will get. And it may be one of those notes that becomes treasured forever.
You may feel very exuberant about your love – especially if you’re still in the New Love phase of your relationship. One thing to be cautious about is that, if you go overboard in the things you do for Valentine’s Day, your partner may be ashamed or embarassed if he/she only planned something quiet and tender. The day may end up being awkward and distracted because one of you is feeling like what they contributed to the day wasn’t “enough”. Make sure you talk beforehand about the plans of the day, and even if it’s a surprise, give a general feel for what will be involved. That way you both enjoy the experience and there isn’t guilty or unhappy feelings.
Just Showing Up At a Restaurant
If you are planning on going out to dinner, make sure you make reservations beforehand! I’ve heard countless tales of couples going from one restaurant to another, finding hour or more waits at each one, and ending up very hungry and grumpy. That’s no way to spend Valentine’s Day. The idea way would be a romantic dinner for two of your very favorite dishes, home with candlelight and your favorite music. But if you MUST go out and be in the crowd, make solid reservations first.
Fighting, Jealousy, and Exs
There’s the potential for Valentine’s Day to be stressful, because you’ll have expectations built up in your head, your partner will, and you might even compare this current day to Valentine’s Days in the past. This can then lead to disappointment. Remember, ALL of that is in your HEAD. The only thing that should matter on this particular day is how you and your partner love each other. You two will choose to show that love to each other in your own personal way, which cannot be compared to any other couple on the planet. Your love is unique and special and isn’t based on money, or objects, or destinations. It’s based on you and your partner. If you find even the start of grumpniess growing in you, release it. Today is about love, about sharing your love.
Letting it End on February 15th
The best way for a relationship to stay strong and powerful over the months and years is to keep love and romance in it. To keep communicating, loving, showing you care for each other. It’s not about diamond bracelets and bouquets of roses – that’s the Flower Vendors talking. True love doesn’t rely on outlays of cash to prove it exists. There’s another term for that sort of a realationship. A love match is about two people who care for each other, and who show the tenderness, concern and love in real world situations, when it really matters.